Lack of Civility: Why Are People Misbehaving?
It started with House of Representatives Joe Wilson shouting, “You lie!” to President Obama during a speech before Congress, then tennis player Serena Williams verbally riddled a judge on a call for a foot fault during the U.S. Open semifinal, then before the shock could wear off, rap star Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for best female video at the MTV Video Music Awards. What is going on with this bad behavior? What is happening to civility?
During my interview with KPNX 12 News I outlined three reasons for these outbursts.
- Erosion of Authority Over the past decade or two we have seen a further erosion of respect for authority. This is partly due to the mistrust people feel based on the faltered behavior of some prominent people in the authority. With this lack of trust, people are now more aggressively questioning their decisions.
- Strong Focus on Self While concern for self is good, an overly strong concern for self leads to self-centeredness or a strong focus on your needs, your wants, and your desires leaving little room for the awareness and concern of others. When we operate at this mode of self-absorption it is harder to show kindness, consideration or courtesy to others.
- Excessive Drive for Achievement In the United States we place a high value on equality. While definitely a cherished value, some people derive their identity through an excessive focus on achievement. ”Doing” becomes more important than “being”. When a person becomes so focused on achieving they sometimes forgo the rules of civility. Add in stress, and there is an opportune environment for rude behavior.
So what can we do to promote civility?
- “Follow the rules of civility that have withstood the test of time.” Dr. P.M. Forni promotes the codes of civility in his book, Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct. Some great examples of civility are think the best of others, respect even a subtle “no”, and pay attention to others–their needs–and respond in a considerate manner.
- Learn and Follow the Social Norms of Etiquette. For parents, enroll your children in a manners class. Even a sit-down family dinner provides many lessons in civility. For colleges and universities, provide students business etiquette training to learn the social norms in the business environment. For educators, create discussions to explain the value of self-expression and self-restraint in a democratic society. For companies, promote interpersonal skills training for employees.
- Develop Solid Relational Skills. Most of our everyday interactions are with other people so it only makes sense that we develop good relational skills. As a student of Dr. P.M. Forni’s work, I leave you with one of my favorite teachings from Dr. Forni: The quality of our lives in part is determined by the quality of our relationships. The quality of our relationships then is determined by the quality of our relational skills. The rules of civility and the social norms of etiquette give us an effective roadmap to relational competence.
What are your ideas for promoting civility in society?
Related Post
Business Etiquette: Is Civility Dead?
What next?
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