Civil Tips for Uncivil Behavior

So, you are showing self-control yet the other person is just being rude. What do you do?

Recently washingtonpost.com published an article “How to Deal With Bad Behavior” including a tipsheet on how to deal with rudeness by psychologist Arthur Ciaramicoli from Dr. P.M. Forni’s book The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude.

Here are the 10 tips.

1. Don’t personalize rude behavior. It’s unlikely to be about you, even though it’s directed at you.
2. Be aware that rude behavior comes from various sources (sleep deprivation, depression, stress, illness, insecurity, etc.)
3. Respond with calmness rather than behavior that escalates rude behavior.
4. “An eye for an eye” is a poor approach; don’t turn another’s insecurity into your own.
5. Self-righteous behavior only reflects poorly on you; don’t use the opportunity to demean another.
6. Try to address the underlying cause of the behavior. (“I can see you are very stressed. Maybe I could help if you tell me what’s bothering you.”)
7. When necessary, set limits tactfully and assertively, not aggressively.
8. If the conversation remains irrational, know when to quit.
9. Don’t assume rudeness is a permanent part of someone’s personality. It is a pattern of rudeness (not one mishap) that determines character.
10. In the end, always let empathy — the ability to read others accurately — be your guide in understanding rudeness, knowing how to respond to a rude individual and knowing when to leave the scene.